Translated by Sam Taylor — It’s an adage that sometimes a blessing can be a curse. That’s certainly the case for 19-year-old Stella Thibodeaux, who has been taken under the wing of an elderly fortune teller working in a Georgia carnival. Santa Muerte quickly recognised in Stella that mysterious mix of qualities that changes a woman from merely being good looking to irresistible, and guided her into the life of a prostitute. However, for all her wisdom and experience Santa Muerte could never have predicted that Stella would prove to be a miracle worker, healing the lame and the sick with her sex.
It doesn’t take long for news of Stella’s gift to spread. When she wakes each morning, there is already a queue of men outside her home in the US state of Georgia hoping to be cured of their maladies. The news media are looking in to her story and soon it reaches the Vatican that there may be a living saint. The Holy Father’s delight at the news is soon tempered by the realisation that a saint who is also a whore causes some thorny doctrinal issues.
Ever mindful of the Catholic Church’s reputation, pragmatism quickly wins out over spiritual considerations and a decision is made; Stella would be much more useful as a martyr than a living saint. Cardinal Carter, the pope’s man in America is dispatched to solve the problem of Stella.
It appears this is hardly the first time the Vatican has had to use underhand methods to make a problem go away as it turns out Cardinal Carter has a fixer. Brenda Moore knows who to call on. The Bronski twins, Michael and William, have been killing for a long time and are very good at what they do. They tackle their jobs with not just psychopathic enthusiasm, but also with a certain degree of professional pride. Anybody prepared, as they were, to undergo extensive plastic surgery to avoid arrest, shows an admirable degree of commitment.
By the time the Bronski twins make it to the carnival site, the circus has left town. Their surprisingly subtle attempts at finding out where Stella has gone bring them to the attention of Father Jimmy Brown. A Navy Seal during the Vietnam War before finding God, Brown is able to recognise a pair of stone-cold killers when he sees them.
Since it was Brown who brought the news of Stella’s miracles to the attention of the Church, and since he is able to connect the dots, he feels a certain guilt over Stella’s predicament. In another ironic turnaround, Brown exchanges crucifix and holy water for combat knife and shotgun and sets of in pursuit, determined to save her. The chase moves across Georgia, finally ending in a climactic confrontation in Las Vegas.
This is Joseph Incardona’s first novel to appear in English and it’s a satisfying satire of the hypocrisy of the Church, as well as a funny, buoyant thriller that tells its story in just over 200 pages. As he explained in our interview with him, Incardona is not usually a crime writer and Holy F*ch shows he is as irreverent towards the genre as he is to organised religion. It’s an approach that might not suit every reader, but I found it a breath of fresh air. He writes in a playful, conversational style with author as narrator, and he sometimes breaks the fourth wall. I would be interested in seeing a movie adaptation.
The novel is translated by Sam Taylor, and in testament to their work, I would never have known it wasn’t originally written in English.
The humour here is reminiscent of Tim Dorsey and Carl Hiaasen. See our reviews of Naked Came the Florida Man and Razor Girl.
Bitter Lemon Press
Print/Kindle
£7.99
CFL Rating: 4 Stars
